Lavender & Coffee Stains

Coming Back Tomorrow...

I will be coming back home from my vacation tomorrow evening. This blog will be updated by the following day.

To friends and colleagues, I just want to greet you all a Grand HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Bad Trip...

Sometimes I wish I can disappear from the face of the earth...

Cash-strapped...

I have to pay for those gifts pa.

Tonight, I will be paying for my 2 months delayed mobile phone bills.

Before this month ends, I have to settle the bills for the landline telephone and the Meralco billing.

I need to shop tomorrow to buy some gifts for the New Year [coz they expect me to give them...Di nila type 'yung binigay ko na gift eh. Huhuhu!]

I need to buy a plane ticket. If not for my absolute love for procrastination, I would have my reward flight ticket by now!

A cash gift for my brother and my sister. Malamang pati dad and mom ko.

Next Year...
Start paying for my SSS loan.
Pay for my super-laki na utang in my credit card.
Of course, monthly payments pa din.

Promise, next year talaga, kuripot na ko. Ay, baka February na. Hehehe! Kasi I organized a mini-reunion together with my high school barkada eh. I want to see them eh. A week after that, my close friends naman in a web forum.

Hay, bakit ba may ganitong holidays pa? Too expensive.

World of Politics, Economy...

A lot of things had happened in the arena of politics and the local economy for the past few months. The turn and twist of events had either been too dragging or too drastic for me to remember them all. Most of the time, I had to deal and delve with these topics for they make up my day at work. Politics and Economy are the factors that run my work week.

Let me jot down from my mind what had happened before and after.

1 - FPJ running for the 2004 presidency. Chaka naman siya. Feeling ko lang, etong si Sen. Tito Sotto & Sen Edgardo Angara lang ang may gusto siyang tumakbo. Sen. Angara, I think, could be considered the culprit for the division of the opposition. On the other hand, Sen. Sotto is acting like a dumb puppet. So what if he is the unofficial spokesperson of FPJ? Spokespersons are supposed to be doing the role of speaking for someone but in this instance, will they just let FPJ do the talking? Let the man talk!

If the actor wins, *heaven forbid* technically, it will be both Sen. Angara & Sen. Sotto who will be running the government for him. What a pity for the Philippines?! All I wanna say for FPJ is: "If you are really that decided in running, will you, for once have the GUTS to show it off? After all, if ever you win, you will be needing more than GUTS to run the entire country! Speak up! I know you mean well but...

2 - Department of Finance Secretary Jose Isidro Camacho had resigned from his post effective November 30. Upon hearing the news, I was a little disappointed. I expected the man to stay on and continue his task. The local & international community including the finance and banking sector trusted him well and had great confidence in his credentials. Even with his resignation, the financial stock markets reacted violently to the news. I wonder why he really resigned? *hmm* He just bid the observers with: "I am physically tired, emotionally drained, financially ruined..."

3 - Did the son of Sen. Miriam Santiago really commit suicide? Waht really caught me here was that the senator promised to his dead son that she would not engage in the dirty world of politics anymore. But this was reversed when she said she would support the candidacy of .... Talk about breaking promises to the dead.

4 - The freeze on the death penalty had been lifted by Her Excellency, Pres. GMA. In an effort probably to win the support of the Chinese community, the president said that she would not stand in the way of justice again. Oh really? *hmm* But then, she will be staking the support {as well as the votes} of the Catholic and human rights group.

5 - Siemai! PeopleSupport will be expanding its capacity and operations next year both in Manila and Cebu. The very well-known US call center will be investing $25-M for the expansion. Other call centers will be doing the same as well. Cebu has been designated by our government as an information technology hub.

6 - Ano ba yan? Power rate hike na naman ng hinayupak na Meralco na iyan? Wala na silang ginawa kung hindi magtaas. Why do the consumers have to be the one to shoulder the burden of paying the debts of NPC? Another strong hearsay here is that this is just one of the concessions sought by the Lopezes to allow a GMA-Sen Noli de Castro tandem in the 2004 elections. Oops... is that right or I am making an accusation here? the question is: so what if the newscaster-turned-senator if a talent of ABS-CBN which is also owned by the Lopezes? Hawak ba nila sa leeg si De Castro. But for whatever reason it is, I just hope they will do their job well and really find ways to lower the electricity price. It is such a shame that we are not so industrialized and yet, we topped the list of countries that has the highest electricity rate. No wonder why investors are complaining and even decide not to infuse their money and capitals in the domestic economy.

7 - Etong si Kris Aquino may pagkabalimbing din. Pati politics ginagawa niyang showbiz. Wala na naman ba siyang magawa sa buhay niya. After the Marquez drama emote niya, si Ping Lacson naman ginogoyo niya. Do not get me wrong here. Walang romanticism involved. She met with the senator showing and even declaring [yata] her support, the next time she was denying it. Then, her dramatic antics with her mom. She said sorry a lot of times, asking for forgiveness. Drama, drama pa siya. Now, nakikisawsaw siya sa politics going or even provoking her mom. She said she will be supporting the opposition party while her mom is endorsing the incumbent administration president. Ikaw yata ang dapat tawaging baliw na title ni Sen. Miriam Santiago. At least, she talks sense.

8 - After DoF Sec. Camacho, the next person to leave the Cabinet is Department of Trade and Industry Secretary Mar Roxas II. Just this month, the trade chief resigned due to election-related concerns. He will be gunning a seat in the Senate under the administration party. Hay, Papa Mar! Why do you have to leave your post? Eh di, hindi ka na namin makikita at makakahalubilo ng harapan? *sigh* Mejo suplado yata iyong new replacement mo na taga-SGV!

9 - The Philippines is being sandwiched in the "argument" existing between the countries of China and Taiwan. China is regarding taiwan as its truant province while Taiwan is fighting its way to be independent. The Philippines is an affirmed implementor of the so-called "One-China Policy." Because of this conflicting interest, I think, time will come that the bilateral ties existing between RP and Taiwan will be affected and the same goes for China, whichever way the Philippines will take it.

10 - Almost everybody would like to join the election wagon. Ano bang meron sa politics? Stupid me! Of course, goons, gun and gold...

Rejoicing...

The saying: "when the cat is away, the mouse will play" has been chanting in my mind the moment I arrived here at the office this morning. My superior had already left for his home country this morning. Just a few minutes ago, his plane had already took off.

I just focused doing the urgent ones this morning and will start the other work [that he left for me to do in his absence] come January. I would rather clean up my work station, trash up the unwanted files and documents and just like this, do blogging when I feel like it. Hay, sarap ng buhay. Walang pressure. The only pressure for me is that I want to finish everything today before I go on vacation, too.

Ay, I got a stiff neck already. tambak pa rin mga files ko. Mag-uuwi na lang ako trabaho which I will start working on after I get back from my out-of-town trip. Excited na nga ako eh.

I have tons of things to bring home pala. Mostly personal. Chaka!

Busy Day...

Yesterday was meaningfully spent. As usual, my mornings and early afternoons were dedicated to household chores. The difference was: I focused all my energy cleaning the kitchen area & the bathroom. I washed, wiped, scrubbed, and mopped clean the entire area. Afterwards, I did the same to my room & the living area but with less effort.

My combined breakfast and lunch were taken at exactly 3 in the afternoon. I was ravenous. Working at the house on Saturdays is a priority before taking in any food for the body. Being full makes me move slow and tends to make me dilly-dally. I am more hyper-active and finish my task earlier than expected if I have an empty stomach.

I was thinking of what I really planned to do afterwards when a thought struck me. As a New Year’s present for my mother dear [seems like she is getting a lot of presents from me lately], I decided to spend the money I was planning to give her to just buy groceries which will be used for everyday and for the upcoming New Year’s Eve feast. She has the habit of cooking something to welcome the New Year.

It has been a while since I have done a major shopping for groceries. My mom was kinda broke [been complaining to me so I took the hint...hehehe!] and somehow doing something for her to ease her burden make me happy and satisfied with myself.

I was planning to go alone but I decided to have my boyfriend tag along. We were supposed to go out but I was feeling tired of rushing and doing the same things during weekends. This kind of attitude is very typical of me. I always need to do things that are not becoming so usual and habitual. My personality always dictates a change of environment, habits, places and activities. Yesterday was when I decided that I would just like to stay home and do my stuff. Maybe because the house was quiet for the lack of human beings in it and normally, I would prefer to make the house spic and span when no soul is walking around to the floor that I had just mopped. My brother went to Baguio and I am not sure when he will be coming back home. On the other hand, my sister is attending her CPA review class till the evening. My dad and my mom are just cramped in the 3rd floor with the television on and that suits me great [they know what I want when I stay in the house, armed with a broom and rug in both hands].

It was so evil of me to have treated my boyfriend so badly. I was a little pissed off when he arrived late. He was heavily stuck in a traffic jam and of course, I did not try to see the logic in it. Sometimes, I want to give myself a great whacking in the head for being so inconsiderate and the lack of ability to control my temper. While I was on my way to meet him outside the village area, I was trying to tell myself to be calm and understand the guy’s predicament. He came from the South and I live in the North. The holidays had made the streets jam-packed. I was conditioning my mind to go slow on him and let it go. I was successful, then.

But upon seeing him, I cannot help but give him a hard time. I was not able to hide my temper and was all the more pissed off when I learned that he had not eaten anything. It was almost past 6 in the evening. Trying to be nice, we just grabbed something at a nearby Greenwich fastfood. Lasagna for me and sesame pork for him. I tried to make the mood light by chatting animatedly because I do not want to spend the remaining time being grouchy. Besides, I was the one asking for a favor!

We chatted about the party he attended Friday night and I told him about my funny, boring trip back home from work. He was the first one to finish his food and since I have not finished mine and still wanting for garlic bread sticks [my favorite], he ordered for me.

Outside the mall’s minisquare, a lot of people were shouting and chanting. Performing was this smooth, fair-skinned, sexy starlet whose name I do not know. Typically expected, a throng of men were the ones making the crowd so thick.

I later learned that country singer favorite, Nyoy Volante charmed the crowd with his famous and familiar lines: “Pana-panahon ang pagkakataon, maibabalik pa ang kahapon...” early in the afternoon.

Anyway, Dex and I decided to just hit SM West. Before doing the grocery, we went around the mall and check out shops that caught our interests. Hehehe! I am so unfair. Always. Whenever I wanted to check out a shop, he will accompany me but when he checks out comic book shops or dvd/cd shops, I always complain and if he does not listen, I will leave the shop. As expected, he will follow me. Hehehe! I am spoiled.

Past 8 in the evening, I decided to strike the supermarket. Of course, I had to pull him there though he still wanted to wander around. I won. *winks*

He pushed the cart while I throw stuff in it. While doing the grocery, my tantrums resurfaced again. Wicked me. It seems I cannot let the day pass without arguing him. It was such a petty fight that I knocked off pride and let myself apologize. After all, it was my fault.

I thought bringing him along was such a bad idea but it was not. I had someone to push my cart which was getting heavier. On the side, it was really fun having him around for a company because for once, I had someone to make me laugh while I shop. Also, he learned how I shop for grocery and what I liked. Maybe, that will give him an insight [was that insight or a warning...hehehe] for the future.

It was almost 10 in the evening when we left the mall. There were still so many people. As I had planned, we will be taking a cab home but taxis were all occupied and he decided against it. The cab will be counting more than hundreds if we do. Besides, I had already, totally maximized my credit card limit. Hmmm...

Supposedly, a bus ride will do but still with the heavy load, we cannot join the rush hour. We decided to stand by and wait for 30 minutes and let the people waiting for a ride home thinned out. It was still so impossible to get a bus ride so we opted to take a jeepney ride that happened to pass by. We took 2 jeepney rides and a trike ride home.

Armed with a big, heavy box [which he carried] while I got 3 light, plastic bags, we reached home by past 11 in the evening.

To my dear, thoughtful boyfriend, it was really nice to have you around. Not for the big, heavy load alone but as well as for the presence and care you never fail to make me feel.

Announcement: 11th TravelTour Expo on February...

For 2 years now, I have been always present at the MegaTrade Halls of SM Ortigas to see for myself the TravelTour Expo.

A lot of travel privileges, tips and advices, discounted packages - local or international will be offered here. Visit the 11th TravelTour Expo 2004 on the 6th till the 8th of February 2004 which will unfold at the MegaTrade Halls 1 & 2 of SM Ortigas.

For travel enthusiasts like me, check it out!

Movies - Big Screen, Computer Screen...

I have watched a lot of movies lately, either via the big screen or through my personal computer's monitor. Some of the movies were either new, just recently shown or just plain old.

Wrong Turn - full of wanton violence, splashed blood and slashed flesh; true horror and I screamed.



The Ring and the other Ring series - Pretty scary - the image of the woman crawling out of the boobtube, trying to reach out her hand; Hay, grabe! I was taking dinner while watching it. Hehehe! Halos hindi ko mailapit ang kutsara sa bibig ko. The spoon was kept hanging at nakakangalay.



Ang Tanging Ina - I have watched this movie many times but I still kept on rolling down the floor because of Ai-Ai. Funny, adorable woman!



The Haunted Mansion - That no matter how much money you earn, family must always be a priority...



Heart and Souls - Starring Robert Downey, Jr., the movie can be described as its title suggests.



Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World - uhmm...mejo bagal story and unexpected, disappointing portrayal by the lead actor.



Ju-on: The Grudge - Almost like the movie series of The Ring, It seems like Japanese horror movies thread in the same line. The one giving the watchers the chill are women clad in white sporting long, straight hair; same thing, too with the passing of the curse to another person in order to be spared from death; also, the same movement of the scary woman - bones crackling, etc.

Finding Nemo - I had already watched this movie before but I did watch it again. My 3rd time, actually. Pretty funny and touching, too.



Star Treks and Andromeda series - Seems like I am enjoying watching them. I thought I would never really come to the point of having any slight inclination to sci-fi movies. I was proven wrong.

YUCKily Disappointing...

I was once a big F4 fan. But in a jiffy, the admiration died down as fast as a fire being splashed on with water.

I have seen the pictures of this 2 and I can absolutely bet that I will never find myself giggling hard at them. Jerry Yan surely looked like a macho gay. Hahaha! On the other hand, Vic Zhuo was undeniably disappointing for me.

I totally hate Vaness Wu from the start for I find him so “jologs.” The one that still got me beholden is Ken Zhu. The guy’s personality totally lacks the arrogance, snobbish attitude of the 3. I wonder why he is not being given the kind of exposure the other 3 are getting. Hmp!

New Mall in Baguio...

A few days before the end of the month of November, I received word that the very popular retail store had opened its doors in Baguio.

Occupying a 79,763 square meter property that once was a site of the former Pines Hotel at Session Road, SM City Baguio has 6 floors and of which the design was inspired by the very famous, Rice Terraces. During my last 2 visits – July and October 2003 – the mall was still under major construction and I could remember the time that I complained because great dust was being created from its construction.

I heard from a friend cadet at the Philippine Military Academy that the new mall has a viewing deck wherein you can see the entire glory of Baguio. I wonder if that is true. I will ask my brother about that when he arrives tonight. He had left Manila for Baguio since Thursday.

The mall may be considered a welcoming change for this glorious city but I cannot bring myself to accept the fact that 200 old pine trees were cut down just to accommodate this new entertainment center. When I first visited dear, old Baguio as an adult which was last November 2001, I already noticed the traffic jam that was starting to beset the city. This usual metropolis problem seems to aggravate every time I visit Baguio. With the new mall, I am greatly expecting traffic jam big-time. I just hope that this cold city will not easily lose its own acclaimed grandeur.

So much for the prize of the so-called industrialization.

This is nice...

As I sat on my patio, drinking a cup of morning coffee, I shivered in my cotton sweatshirt. It was cold for October in Southern California. I skimmed the front page of the newspaper and checked out the weather, then turned back to the Classifieds. I found it interesting --- and a little entertaining --- to read the lonely hearts section. I couldn't believe there is someone looking at ads people placed. There couldn't be that many beautiful/handsome, intuitive, loving, intelligent, rich, charming, outgoing, sensitive and kind people in Los Angeles who had somehow managed to avoid meeting one another. The more I read, the more I realized no one even came close to what I was looking for. All right, I thought and grabbed my pencil, this is the ad I would place:

WANTED: A man of integrity, in the process of becoming. Edges softened by experiences. Sense of humor shaped by adversity; perspective on life forged through surviving good and bad times. Whistling definitely an asset, though not required. Must live in a transparent vessel.

I put my pencil for a moment. Maybe I should be a little more specific, leaving no doubts.

EYES - colored with compassion; looking with mercy on other's shortcomings; given to seeing the bright side when things look dark.

ARMS - long enough to reach out to others; wide enough to encompass a heart full of grief.

LEGS - strong enough to walk through trials and hard times, up the mountains and down the valleys of life; able to run with endurance the race set before him.

HANDS - big enough to grasp another's hand in need; strong enough to push away fear; gentle enough to dry away tears with a loving touch; firm enough to manage life's troubles.

SKIN - thick enough to ignore the pettiness and problems of daily living; thin enough to feel unspoken needs.

EARS - sensitive to unspoken words; capable of tuning out irrelevant information; able to listen through the heart.

NOSE - delicate enough to detect the fragrance released from a life broken and yielded to God.

MOUTH - able to speak the truth in love; give a word to the weary; overflowing with kindness.

MIND - forgets past hurts and injustices; retains great thoughts and special memories; trained to think the best.

HEIGHT - tall enough to rise above life's temptation; short enough to stoop and pick up those who fall.

AGE - old enough to accept life's realities, young enough to hum in the midst of adversity and laugh in the face of failure.

CLOTHES - clothed with compassion; a well-fitting suit of God's armor.

OCCUPATION - occupied with the joy of life while being conformed to the image of Christ; looks to the future while appreciating the present; computes eternal dividends.

Warning: Only those willing to expereince a life filled with great risk, no guarantees and possible pain --- yet who continues to hope in the future --- need apply. No wearers of rose-colored glasses, please.

I put down my pencil and pondered a minute. Maybe I will place that ad. You never know. And in the meantime, I'll be busy working on those qualities myself, just in case someone ever places an ad like that for me to answer.

Craving...

Before I left the house, I had a fill of it. When I was about to leave for the office, I even brought some with me. By lunch, I was still munching it. I had ran out of it and honestly, I am craving for more...

Terror...

Finally, nahuli na rin si Saddam Hussein. He was caught last Saturday hiding in a farmhouse cellar in Ad Dawr, ten miles (16km) from his hometown in Tikrit. News reports said that the former dictator gave up without a struggle; a single shot was not even fired.



Mejo naasar lang ako sa linya at tono ni Paul Bremer. He is US' top administrator in Iraq. "Ladies and gentlemen, we got him." Ano yan, nanalo ka sa lotto?! Taglay niya ang yabang sa katawan ng isang Amerikano. Hindi naman ako galit sa mga puti. Stereotyping kaya yun. Kunsabagay, dapat nga lang naman na magyabang siya, kasi may ipagyayabang na siya...finally.

The former Iraqi dictator was subjected to DNA tests to prove it was really him. The announcement of his capture was delayed last Sunday to ensure that he was one & the same since he was confirmed to have a lot of doubles while he was still in power.

Siempre, nagdidiwang ang mga Iraqi sa pagkahuli sa former dictator. They were expecting that he will face trial for the countless crimes he had committed. Hundreds of thousands of mass graves are scattered all over Iraq. As far as I can remember, he had even used chemical weapons against his own countrymen. Maybe the question what had happened to Iraq's weapons of mass destruction will finally be brought to light.

Pinakamasaya yata si US Prez George Bush. Siya kaya ang nag-declare ng war against Hussein. This victory will undoubtedly lift his political image, especially with the upcoming presidential elections. Maybe he was also expecting that his rival, Howard Dean will be rattled by such acquired glory.

Question...

Tanong ko lang ha: Kelan pa nagkaroon ng bibig ang mata OR kelan pa nakakita ang bibig??

Siguro naman puede gamitin ang mata lalo na kung ang hinahanap eh nasa harapan mo na, hindi ba? Siguro kung ahas lang yan eh natuklaw ka na!

Ewan ko ba pero kahit anong gawin at sabihin ko, ganon siya talaga. Sakit na yata niya iyon. Ulitin ko nga, sakit na niya iyon. Ako lang nakukunsumi sa kanya.

Ako kasi yung tipo na maghahanap muna bago magtanong.

Christmas @ the Tower...

As usual, darating na naman si dito sa building namin para paligayahin na naman ang inosenteng mundo ng mga bata. (Parang masama ang dating ng linyang 'yun ah...)

Sa December 19, mula 1 pm hanggang 3 pm, muling masisilayan ang beauty at maririnig ang tumataginting na .

Malamang pagpasok ko ng building sa Biernes, eh ang dami na namang naghahabulang mga chikiting na tipong kailangan mong makipaglaro muna ng patintero bago ka makaakyat sa aming tanggapan.

User-friendly!!!

Obviously, naiinis ako. Gusto ko magmura [pero ano kayang magandang mura]! Gamitin ba ako. Nagsisi ako bakit pumayag pa ako. Matapos kang maglabas ng pera for that, wala man lang ako mapala. Hindi man lang ako i-update. To think, siya ang nagyakag sa akin dun. @#$%!!!

Sana pinang-Timezone ko na lang yun. Ang dami ko pang nalaro, ilang tikets din yun. @#$%!

Ang hatol: Ang brutal ko no?! Badtrip na kasi ako sobra! Always like this!

How to tell Someone You Love Them...

A question came from the feedback form on one of the Web sites in which I am involved. "How do you tell a girl how much you love her?" I don't often answer such questions personally, there are people more qualified than I to handle them, but before I knew it, I had written a long answer.

Looking back over my response, I realized it could have broader implications, so I decided to share it with you...

How do you tell a girl how much you love her?
You don't.
You show her.
You be her friend.
You be there for her when she needs someone to talk to.
You cry with her when she is sad, and
you are happy for her when she succeeds at something,
even if - no, make that ESPECIALLY if -
she does that thing better than you do.
And you do all you can to see that she succeeds at things often.
You give her what she needs, when she needs it, emotionally I mean, not "things."
And if you do really love her, not just think she is hot, or are infatuated with her,
you will do all this expecting nothing in return. And I mean NOTHING.
If you expect anything from her, you do not love her,
you just want to be loved by her.
Everyone wants to be loved, but to be loved, you must love.
If you do these things well, one day she will come to you and
confide in you about something she feels badly about, because,
if you do these things well enough for long enough,
it will be you she will want to confide in.
When she does, you make sure she knows that it matters to you that this bothers her.
If you have advice for her, save it until you are sure she knows you care, and
that her feelings matter very much to you.
Once you are sure of this, you may offer your advice, but
know that the caring is more important than your idea of how the problem might be "fixed."
Loving her is not admiring the way she looks or anything else about her.
These may be among the reasons you are attracted to her, but
they are not acts of loving.
Loving her is a series of actions, things you do for her, for no other reason than you love her.
Loving her is not wanting her to give you attention, or to give you anything for that matter.
Loving her is wanting to give, not get.
That is how you love someone.
You give to them all you can give and expect nothing back.
Once you have done these things well enough for long enough, and
her eyes tell you she longs to hear you tell her,
then you will have earned the right to tell her how much you love her.

Aww, pretty mushy but nice...

Toy Kingdom...

It has been a long time ago when I had visited this very well-known Toy Kingdom. As usual, it was Dex who brought me there. I was wondering what he was looking for but just the same, I went with him.



Anyway, I was kinda mesmerized with the place. Really lots of toys. I never really pictured myself as a girl growing up with toys, even dolls. I would rather have pens, paper, books & color with me than go out and play with dolls.



I know it was not allowed to take photos but I was able to sneak a few.

INVITATION: Adidas Sale!

The University of the Philippines Lakay Kalikasan Mountaineers is a non-stock, non-profit, university based student organization that involves itself in mountaineering, guideship and environmental advocacy is inviting everyone to an ADIDAS Sale this coming Dec 15-19 @ the Ipil Residence Hall Parking Lot. Up to 70% off for Salomon Merchandise too!

Proceeds from the sales will fund UP Lakay's projects for the coming school year. Some of which are: free vehicle emissions testing for public utility vehicles, Panata sa kalikasan (tree-planting), Camp Kalikasan (free environmental and educational summer camp for youth in the provinces).

Suddenly...

... I miss Tokyo.

... I cannot sleep. Insomnia attack. Before I logged off, I will take this Quizilla trivia first.


You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Silent Love, Silent Yearning...

I was checking my inbox, trying to clean it up when I came across this email.

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.

His name is Jin.

I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.

And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.

I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.

To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl?

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.

"I can't"

"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.

"No? I am going to meet a friend?"

He was always like that.

He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.

To him, I was just a girlfriend.

The word 'love' only came out from my mouth.

Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before.

To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.

He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days? 200days?

Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why?

Then one day?

Me: Um, Jin, I ?

Jin: What? Don't drag, just say..

Me: I love you.

Jin: ?? you? ...um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll.

Then he disappeared, like he was running away.

The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many?

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.

When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.

But? lunch passed, dinner passed? and soon the sky was dark? he still didn't call.

It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.

Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house.

Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin?

Jin: Here? take this?

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What's this?

Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.

He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.

Then I shouted?

"Wait?"

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me?

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.

But he just said simple cold words and left.

"I don't want to say? that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."

That was what he said. Then he ran off.

My legs felt numb?and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily?

How could he?

I felt that?

Maybe he is not the right guy for me?

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.

He didn't call me, although I was waiting.

He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.

That's how those dolls piled up in my room? everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school.

But what made the pain resurface was that? I saw him on a street? with another girl?

He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me? as he touched the doll?

I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell?

Why did he give these to me?

Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls?

In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.

Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.

He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.

I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.

I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that? it's going to end.

Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.

Soon, he held out the doll as usual?

Me: I don't need it.

Jin: What?.why?

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

"I'm sorry" He apologized in a tiny voice.

He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll?

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.

Then?

Honk Honk

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted?

But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

"Jin, move!"

HONK!!

"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.

That's how he went away from me.

That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him?

And after spending two months like a crazy person? I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.

I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days? when we were in love?

"One? two? three?"

That was how? I started to count the dolls?

"Four hundred and eighty four? four hundred and eighty five?"

It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.

I hugged it tightly, then suddenly?

"I love you, I love you"

I dropped the dolls, shocked.

"I? love? you??"

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you I love you"

It can't be!

I pressed all the dolls' stomachs as it piled on the side.

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

"I love you~"

Those words came out non-stop.

I? love you?

Why didn't I realize that?

That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.

Why didn't I realize that he love me this much?

I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.

It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much?

"Jo? Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you?. Um? since I was too shy? If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you?
everyday? till I die? Jo? I love you?"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God, why do I only know about all this now?

He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute?

For that? and for that reason? to me? it became courage? to live a beautiful life?

I highlighted the lines that really touched my heart. So heartbreaking...

This is the 2nd email I got that made me , not just once but everytime I read it.

Doing what??

Checking emails
replying to emails
updating my blog
logging on to PinoyExchange, Friendster
surfing

I was surfing when I came across this cool photo!

MarieL...

Condolences to my dear friend, MarieL! I just read an email coming from another friend, LA that Mariel's brother had died. We have no idea when and what had happened.

To you, my friend - I know you are strong and I know you can carry on. Just always remember that there is SOMEONE up there who never fails us, who continually guides us as we go through Life...

Am I bothered?

I am so busy right now and I am trying to wrap things up, tidy my work station and accomplish all my pending task before I start new ones. But deep down inside, something is understandably bothering me. Whatever it is, I am absolutely sure I really do not know the answer to that.

I had this unusual dream last night. For me, it was perfectly real. I never even wondered why that scene was happening. I should have asked otherwise for it was something not of the usual.

The dream was a blur but the subject of my dream was perfectly there. I even gave out a smile when the thought struck me again.

I always believe that dreams are the expressions of our subconsious, a vision of the future or even your desire. I do not want to think it in terms of the second reference. Maybe all I need to do is to reconnect, create a wire that will lead me to where it wants me to be.

I know I am such a wretched excuse in whatever form of human relationships.

Today...

Today is my dear Mamu's ! I am still thinking what to give her for a gift but one thing is sure: I will be buying her favorite chocolate mousse . Maybe ice cream & a big serving of chicken, too. I still have to call my brother and sister to check what they are planning to buy for her.

Maybe, I should take a break now. I wanna have lunch before going to the workshop venue. My contact person is so inefficient and everytime I talk to her about my requirements, she always says yes but when I ask her about it, it is like she never knew me. Anyway, I will be blogging later.

BOOKS...

I cannot remember it right but I think I had bought a lot of books just last week. I just saw the opportunity to buy them since I have the money and the time to check them out. Hehehe! I still have so many unread books scattered in my bed and now, I had gained more...to read.

My boyfriend has been complaining about it but I just reasoned out that the opportunity is there so I might as well grab it. Sooner or later, the books that I have not read will soon find itself stacked in a shelf for I have already read them.

Maybe before I sleep tonight, I will tidy up my bed so I can stretch out [my bed is messed up with tons of books and bags and stuff toys].

Anyway, here are the books I have acquired so far.















Actually, I bought a lot. This is just half of the list.

On PAOLO again...

While being logged on to the Net, I have dear Paolo Santos singing songs for me. The voice of this guy really soothes me.

Because of You

if ever you wonder
if you touched my soul
yes, you do
since i met you it's not the same
you bring life to everything i do
just the way you say "hello"
with one touch i can't let go
never thought i'd fall in love with you

because of you
my life has changed
thank you for the love and the joy you bring
because of you
i feel no shame
i'll tell the world
it's because of you

sometimes i get lonely
and all i gotta do is think of you
you capture something inside of me
you make all of my dreams come true
it's not enough that you love me for me
you reached inside and touched me eternally
"i love you" best explains how i feel for you

the magic in your eyes
true love i can't deny
when you hold me
i just lose control
i want you to know
that i'm never letting go
you mean so much to me
i want the world to see
it's because of you

I also love to hear his own rendition of the songs Out of My League by Stephen Speaks and I'll Be by Edwin McCain.

Out of My League

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
cause i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes
and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise
cause i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again

it's her hair and her eyes today
that just simply take me away
and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared
as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes and she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say
cause i love her with all that i am
and my voice shakes along with my hands
cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea
but i'd rather be here than on land
yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need
and i'm out of my league once again


I'll Be

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, remembered the things you said

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life...

But among all the songs he had sung, what I really liked the best was: Moonlight over Paris.

You say you've been overseas
I say over where
You say just a holiday
My Alsatian heir
I say I've been working late, working overtime
Haven't seen the sun since eighty-nine

Does the moon light shine on Paris
After the sun goes down
If the London Bridge is falling
Will anybody hear a sound
If you follow the sunset will it ever end
Does the moonlight shine on Paris

Oh and how can you just walk away
Is it something that I said
I see only black and white
You see green and red
You believe in the miracles
Water into wine
I'll believe it when it makes the New York Times

Does the moonlight shine on Paris
After the sun goes down
If the London Bridge is falling
Will anybody hear a sound
If you follow the sunset will it ever end
Does the moonlight shine on Paris

Paolo played his favorite song, Peter Miller's "Moonlight Over Paris." He says if he has only one song that he could play, that would be his choice.

I have read in my fave broadsheet before that Pao has his own production company named Acoustic Gold Productions. As far as I can remember it right, it is also the same company that handles his projects since he does not want a recording company to work on with how he do his music. This guy had and has been defying great odds by releasing best-selling independent productions with major label support such as Warner and Viva Video.

Pao also known as Mr. Acoustic, is currently being regarded as a forerunner in bringing in the new wave of acoustic performers in to the local music scene.

Feeling a Little Nostalgic...

As I was doing almost everything all at once while online, I got this email from our yahoogroups about Sir Willy spending a few days in dear, old Baguio. Kindly read on...

Hi to all,

I just arrived (actually about 4 hrs ago, 8pm, Manila time, the 6th) from Baguio. It was cold up there. I was told that the temperature yesterday evening (the 5th) even dropped to 9 degrees Celsius. I was planning on staying for at least three days (I arrived Baguio Thursday, the 4th) early morning, about 6am and spent the whole morning sleeping. Too darn cold to get out of bed! Had lunch at Sizzling Plate at Session Road. Try their "Boneless Bangus", sizzling (what else!), served on a hot iron plate with sidings (potatoes and beans) and a cup of Java rice (was it orange or yellow). Really good and boneless. I was told that the bangus came from Bonoan, Pangasinan, reputedly the best place to harvest the fish. Not too salty. Just right for the palate. Not too filling either. As a foodie, I recommend it. Best for supper (so one doesn't feel stuffy in the evening; you know what they say about risking a "bangungot" on a full stomach!). Actually, I had it for supper also and, for breakfast, today at the same place.

The new SM mall, at the site of the former Pines Hotel, especially its viewing deck, gives visitors a panoramic view of the City. Imagine yourself high on the mountains---and I mean really high---you'll see Harrison Blvd, Burnham lake and Park, the full facade of the Cathedral, City Hall, Session Road. Veritably a 180 degree panoramic view of that side of the City. And on other side of the deck, Leonard Wood, and the rest. I thought that the last thing Baguio needs is a mall, especially an SM Mall. I was wrong. The architect and the owners of the Mall made sure that citizens of and visitors to Baguio have an opportunity to see our (yes, I hereby claim and, rightly so, Baguio as My city even if I wasn't born, raised, studied or even live there; I do know and read its history and culture though, urban planner that I am!) beloved city. The Mall being labor intensive provides a lot of employment; even observed some getting familiar with the electronic cash registers!

I was able to get three very good titles at National Book Store at the SM Mall: a book on marketing; a good translation of Machiavelli's "The Prince" and Colleen McCullough's "Caesar", part of her series of works on Republican and Imperial Rome. You might wonder what Julius Caesar has in relation to Baguio's weather. Well, it was so darn cold outside that I spent the better part of the day reading McCullough's book in my hotel (Burnham at Calderon Street) room. Made 100+ pages on my first day. I recommend the book; one will get a good insight to the character of Caesar and the glory of Rome. It also narrates, quite vividly, the man's campaigns against the Gauls and Celtics in Western Europe. They say that cold weather leads to "amorous" encounters. Well Baguio's weather certainly didn't, at least for me and I'm quite sure for many others. If at all, the weather was an amorous depressant! I must admit though that that kind of weather was conducive to things cerebral like reading. Incidentally, my idea of a Baguio visitor is one who lugs a book or a magazine or both. The Baguio visitor and the Baguio citizen are intellectuals, or at least on the road to being one. I don't think that Baguio has room (thank goodness!) for near-idiots. The rest of the country has enough of these dimwits! Sadly, more than enough during election years!

Some news: BCF (Baguio Colleges Foundation) has just been granted university-status which makes it the fourth university in the City (U.P., now an autonomous university, and officially known as the University of the Philippines in the Cordilleras; St. Louis; University of Baguio; Baguio Central and now BCF). Baguio is veritably a university town with its own share of battles between town and gown! With at least 60,000 university students, I reckon that at least 750 million pesos is pumped by these scholars (and I don't mean those on scholarships but people who are in school) every semester. And that's on the very conservative side.

But for all of the above, I had to leave earlier for Manila. Baguio's weather was just too much for a lowlander like me. I was told that it'll be this way up to mid-February. Aaargh!
Still, one dreams of the city of pines.

Cheers to all,
Willy

Being typical of me to reply to emails that invoke certain emotions, I gave my own feedback. I just wish I can revisit this cold city that elicit in me warm memories.

On 2004 Holidays...

I am freakin' out LOUD!!!

Can you believe it?! Halos lahat ng holidays for year 2004 fall either on a weekend or another holiday.

April 9 - Bataan Day falls on Good Friday
May 1 - Labor Day falls on a Saturday
June 12 - Independence Day falls on a Saturday
August 21 - Ninoy Aquino Day falls on a Saturday
December 25 - Christmas Day falls on a Saturday
January 1 - New Year's Day falls on a Saturday

Friendster and Spam Mails...

Kaloka naman ang Friendster! Well, not really that site but the people who keep on emailing in YahooGroups requesting everyone to add them in their own individual accounts.

Also, spam mails of advertisement types really make me go crazy. I even received mails offering sex services. Goodness Gracious! Are they really that desperate??! My account for blocking these email addies were already over quota so I cannot block them anymore unless I sign up for a paid account which I have no plans of doing. Ano sila? Masaya??!

I am complaining because I always spend more time deleting these blasted, damned mails rather than reading and replying to no-nonsense messages. Hay, buhay!

I just wish some people will have the consideration and common sense to think about these things.

Now, I can imagine myself giving them the slight whack in the head...

This morning...

I woke up early this morning, @ 6:30. But the good feeling of lying in bed was so enticing that I decided to give myself a few more minutes which stretched to an hour. I was contemplating to have another 30 minutes more but I decided against it. In short, my will power won over my caprice.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I launched on my so-called household conquest. I targetted first the sink area where an overflowing dirty dishes were awaiting a bath of liquid soap and water. After that, I wiped clean the dining table of fresh lime soap and water to relieve it of any unwanted stains and smell. Then, I brushed off the table mats to make them look clean and smell fresh.

With the sink already api-and-span, I decided to cook something, maybe for breakfast or for lunch. I cooked rice and while it was on, I sweeped the entire house and I had this enormous, plastic bag that I always bring with me whenever I clean the house. That big, plastic bag always follow me wherever I go around the house. It is my movable trashbag; I can throw unwanted, unnecessary stuff which my mom keeps on piling up almost everywhere. My mom and I keep on arguing about this - while I hate storing things that she will not be using for 6 months or a year OR which are stored more than enough she can use for a year, she would rather keep them, argue with me and reason out that she needs them but only to find it after a few weeks thick with dust! My always solution to that is: Clean the house when she is not around; have this big, plastic bag stuffed basically with MY trash (so she would not suspect that i am throwing her stuff); keep a few number of that trash (I mean her stuff) and throw that big, plastic bag right away - not letting it linger on the area where we keep the dry garbage for she has the habit of systematically "arranging" the trashbags which will definitely lead to a discovery of my mischief. Hahaha!

So, after the sweeping and the "trashing," I mopped the floor clean and let it dry for a few minutes. Afterwards, I went to the bathroom - washed the plastic trash can for the kitchen, the mopping rug, scrubbed the bathroom floor and washed the pail and the "tabo."

Satisfied with my household routine "accomplishment," I gathered all my laundry stuff and took them all out from my room. Hehehe! I placed them at the sofa in the living room and up to now, it is still there. I was just planning of checking my mails for important messages but I ended up spending more time in the computer than i ever planned to.

I just wonder what time will I be heading up the house to start my "weekend reunion" with my Sunday buddies - Tide, Ariel, Downy and H2O.

What a Long Break from Blogging...

Oh, boy! It has been such a while since I went blogging. Honestly, I missed it very much that I was thinking of doing my laundry late in the afternoon and forego my plans of going to SM MegaMall to check out an ongoing bookfair. I was suppose to go there last night but time did not permit me.

So, what have I been doing for the past few weeks? Well, I have done a lot and it seems fatigue is coming down on me. Maybe I am really getting old already. I am starting to complain about muscle pains, shortness of breath and the like.

With all the things happening to me {physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually}, I am thinking of reflecting back on my life and start gathering what is left of it. I was planning to start on the physical aspect but common sense pervaded on me. I have this so-called perspective that what is more important is what is within. I have always believed that what is inside will reflect on the outside, not the other way around for looks can be deceiving.

An hour ago, morning visitors came knocking at our door. They were the "new" {at least for me} "katiwala" of our group. Of course, as I expected, they asked me the reason why. I just cannot tell them why. All I did ask was when is the day of our Thanksgiving for I have plans of reliving and renewing my faith even before the Big Day happens. My only hope is to have the strength to carry this on. Honestly, thinking about my misgivings about this matter makes biting tears burn my eyes.

Why Filipinos should nurture self-pride and love of country...

My decision to move to Manila was not a precipitous one. I used to work in New York as an outside agent for PAL, and have been coming to the Philippines since August, 1982. I was so impressed with the country, and with the interesting people I met, some of which have become very close friends to this day, that I asked for and was granted a year's sabbatical from my teaching job in order to live in the Philippines.

I arrived here on August 21, 1983, several hours after Ninoy Aquino was shot, and remained here until June of 1984. During that year I visited many parts of the country, from as far north as Laoag to as far south as Zamboanga, and including Palawan. I became deeply immersed in the history and culture of the archipelago, and an avid collector of tribal antiquities from both northern Luzon, and Mindanao.

In subsequent years I visited the Philippines in 1985, 1987, and 1991, before deciding to move here permanently in 1998. I love this country, but not uncritically, and that is the purpose of this article.

First, however, I will say that I would not consider living anywhere else in Asia, no matter how attractive certain aspects of other neighboring countries may be. To begin with, and this is most important, with all its faults, the Philippines is still a democracy, more so than any other nation in Southeast Asia. Despite gross corruption, the legal ystem generally works, and if ever confronted with having to employ it, I would feel much more safe trusting the courts here than in any other place in the surrounding area. The press here is unquestionably the most unfettered and freewheeling in Asia, and I do not believe that is hyperbole in any way! And if any one thing can be used as a yardstick to measure the extent of the democratic process in any given country in the world, it is the extent to which the press is free.

But the Philippines is a flawed democracy nevertheless, and the flaws are deeply rooted in the Philippine psyche. I will elaborate... The basic problem seems to me, after many years of observation, to be a national inferiority complex, a disturbing lack of pride in being Filipino.

Toward the end of April I spent eight days in Vietnam, visiting Hanoi, Hue, and Ho Chi Minh City. I am certainly no expert on Vietnam, but what I saw could not be denied: I saw a country ravaged as no other country has been in this century by thirty years of continuous and incredibly barbaric warfare.

When the Vietnam War ended in April, 1975, the country was totally devastated. Yet in the past twenty-five years the nation has healed and rebuilt itself almost miraculously! The countryside has been replanted and reforested. Hanoi and HCMC have been beautifully restored. The opera house in Hanoi is a splended restoration of the original, modeled after the Opera in Paris, and the gorgeous Second Empire theater, on the main square of HCMC is as it was when built by the French a century ago.

The streets are tree-lined, clean, and conducive for strolling. Cafes in the French style proliferate on the wide boulevards of HCMC. I am not praising the government of Vietnam, which still has a long way to travel on the road to democracy, but I do praise, and praise unstintingly, the pride of the Vietnamese people. It is due to this pride in being Vietnamese that has enabled its citizenry to undertake the miracle of restoration that I have described above.

When I returned to Manila I became so depressed that I was actually physically ill for days thereafter. Why? Well, let's go back to a period when the Philippines resembled the Vietnam of 1975. It was 1945, the end of World War II, and Manila, as well as many other cities, lay in ruins. (As a matter of fact, it may not be generally known, but Manila was the second most destroyed city in the entire war; only Warsaw was more demolished!)

But to compare Manila in 1970, twenty-five years after the end of the war, with HCMC, twenty-five years after the end of its war, is a sad exercise indeed. Far from restoring the city to its former glory, by 1970 Manila was well on its way to being the most tawdry city in Southeast Asia. And since that time the situation has deteriorated alarmingly. We have a city full of street people, beggars, and squatters. We have a city that floods sections whenever there is a rainstorm, and that loses electricity with every clap of thunder. We have a city full of potholes, and on these unrepaired roads we have a traffic situation second to none in the world for sheer unmanageability. We have rude drivers, taxis that routinely refuse to take passengers because of "many trappic!" The roads are also cursed with pollution-spewing buses in disreputable states of repair, and that ultimate anachronism, the jeepney!

We have an educational system that allows children to attend schools without desks or books to accomodate them. Teachers, even college professors, are paid salaries so disgracefully low that it's a wonder that anyone would want to go into the teaching profession in the first place. We have a war in Mindanao that nobody seems to have a clue how to settle. The only policy to deal with the war seems to be to react to what happens daily, with no long range plan whatever. I could go on and on, but it is an endeavor so filled with futility that it hurts me to go on. It hurts me because, in spite of everything, I love the Philippines.

Maybe it will sound simplistic, but to go back to what I said above, it is my unshakable belief that the fundamental thing wrong with this country is a lack of pride in being Filipino. A friend once remarked to me, laconically: "All Filipinos want to be something else. The poor ones want to be American, and the rich ones all want to be Spaniards. Nobody wants to be Filipino." That statement would appear to be a rather simplistic one, and perhaps it is. However, I know one Filipino who refuses to enter a theater until the national anthem has stopped being played because he doesn't want to honor his own country, and I know another one who thinks that history stopped dead in 1898 when the Spaniards departed!

While it is certainly true that these represent extreme examples of national denial, the truth is not a pretty picture. Filipinos tend to worship, almost slavishly, everything foreign. If it comes from Italy or France it has to be better than anything made here. If the idea is American or German it has to be superior to anything that Filipinos can think up for themselves. Foreigners are looked up to and idolized. Foreigners can go anywhere without question.

In my own personal experience I remember attending recently an affair at a major museum here. I had forgotten to bring my invitation. But while Filipinos entering the museum were checked for invitations, I was simply waived through. This sort of thing happens so often here that it just accepted routine. All of these things, the illogical respect given to foreigners simply because they are not Filipinos, the distrust and even disrespect shown to any homegrown merchandise, the neglect of anything Philippine, the rudeness of taxi drivers, the ill-manners shown by many Filipinos are all symptomatic of a lack of self-love, of respect for and love of the country in which they
>were born, and worst of all, a static mind-set in regard to finding ways to improve the situation. Most Filipinos, when confronted with evidence of governmental corruption, political chicanery, or gross exploitation on the part of the business com munity, simply shrug their shoulders, mutter "bahala na," and let it go at that. It is an oversimplification to say this, but it is not without a grain of truth to say that Filipinos feel downtrodden because they allow themselves to feel downtrodden. No pride.

One of the most egregious examples of this lack of pride, this uncaring attitude to their own past or past culture, is the wretched state of surviving architectural landmarks in Manila and elsewhere. During the American period many beautiful and imposing buildings were built, in what we now call the "art deco" style (although, incidentally, that was not a contemporary term; it was coined only in the 1960s). These were beautiful edifices, mostly erected during, or just before, the Commonwealth period. Three, which are still standing, are the Jai Alai Building, the
Metropolitan Theater, and the Rizal Stadium.

Fortunately, due to the truly noble efforts of my friend John Silva, the Jai Alai Building will now be saved. But unless something is done to the most beautiful and original of these three masterpieces of pre-war Philippine architecture, the Metropolitan Theater, it will disintegrate. The Rizal Stadium is in equally wretched shape. When the wreckers' ball destroyed Frank Lloyd Wright's Imperial Hotel in Tokyo, and New York City's most magnificent building, Pennsylvania Station, both in 1963, Ada Louise Huxtable, then the architectural critic of The New York Times, wrote: "A disposable culture loses the right to call itself a civilization at all!" How right she was! (Fortunately, the destruction of Pennsylvania Station proved to be the sacrificial catalyst that resulted in the creation of New York's Landmark Commission. Would that such a commission be created for Manila...)
>
>Are there historical reasons for this lack of national pride? We can say that until the arrival of the Spaniards there was no sense of a unified archipelago constituted as one country. True. We can also say that the high cultures of other nations in the region seemed, unfortunately, to have bypassed the Philippines; there are no Angkors, no Ayuttayas, no Borobudurs. True. Centuries of contact with the "high cultures" of the Khmers and the Chinese had, except for the proliferation of Song dynasty pottery found throughout the archipelago, no noticeable effect.

True. But all that aside, what was here?

To begin with, the ancient rice terraces, now threatened with disintegration, incidentally, was an incredible feat of engineering for so-called "primitive" people. As a matter of fact, when I first saw them in 1984, I was almost as awe-stricken as I was when I first laid eyes on the astonishing Inca City of Machu Picchu, high in the Peruvian Andes.

The degree of artistry exhibited by the various tribes of the Cordillera of Luzon is testimony to a remarkable culture, second to none in the Southeast Asian region. As for Mindanao, at the other end of the archipelago, an equally high degree of artistry has been manifest for centuries in woodcarving, weaving and metalwork.

However, the most shocking aspect of this lack of national pride, even identity, endemic in the average Filipino, is the appalling i gnorance of the history of the archipelago since unified by Spain and named Filipinas. The remarkable stories concerning the Galleon de Manila, the courageous repulsion of Dutch and British invaders from the 16th through the 18th centuries, even the origins of the independence movement of the late 19th century, are hardly known by the average Filipino in any meaningful way. And thanks to fifty years of American brainwashing, it is few and far between the number of Filipinos who really know - or even care - about the duplicity employed by the Americans and Spaniards to sell out and make meaningless the very independent state that Aguinaldo declared on June 12, 1898. A people without a sense of history is a people doomed to be unaware of their own identity. It is sad to say, but true, that the vast majority of Filipinos fall into this lamentable category.

Without a sense of who you are, how can you possibly take any pride in who you are?

These are not oversimplifications. On the contrary, these are the root problems of the Philippine inferiority complex referred to above. Until the Filipino takes pride in being Filipino these ills of the soul will, never be cured. If what I have written here can help, even in the smallest way, to make the Filipino aware of just who he is, who he was, and who he can be, I will be one happy expat indeed!

LOVE is...

being happy for the other person
when they are happy
being sad for the other person when they are sad
being together in good times
and being together in bad times
Love is the source of strength

being honest with yourself at all times
being honest with the other person at all times
telling, listening, respecting the truth
and never pretending
Love is the source of reality

an understanding that is so complete that
you feel as if you are a part of the other person
accepting the other person just the way they are
and not trying to change them to be something else
Love is the source of unity

the freedom to pursue your own desires
while sharing your experiences with the other person
the growth of one individual alongside of
and together with the growth of another individual
Love is the source of success

the excitement of planning things together
the excitement of doing things together
Love is the source of the future

the fury of the storm
the calm of the rainbow
Love is the source of passion

giving and taking in a daily situation
being patient with each other's needs and desires
Love is the source of sharing

knowing that the other person
will always be with you regardless of what happens
missing the other person when they are away
but remaining near in heart at all times
Love is the source of security

Love is the source of life...